DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this post are of a personal nature and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of modern day feminism. They are not meant to inform anyone of diddly squat, I acknowledge that my perceptions may not be entirely accurate, and I certainly acknowledge that my feelings toward the subject at hand are not 100% feminist, nor do I think this is how a feminist ought to think.
I don't get it. I really don't understand my feelings towards Sex Week at my school. I am a pro-choice, sex-positive feminist, who certainly enjoys sex and has no problem with other people having as much sex as they please. Yet when Sex Week rolls around, my appreciation for the spread of free condoms and sexual health tips is somewhat dulled by a weird, uncomfortable feeling with an unknown source.
Don't ask me why it makes me uncomfortable. I know it shouldn't, I know I should LOVE that week with all my slutty, feminist heart. I really, truly don't know why I don't like it.
Maybe because, to me, it doesn't celebrate all kinds of sexuality. It seems to celebrate one kind of sexuality and rarely seems to explore alternatives. It focuses on people who are having sex and seems to encourage people to open their sexual boundaries just a little more, ignoring people who choose not to be sexual for whatever reason, or people who are somewhat sexual but would rather confine their sex lives to the bedroom. It's mostly heteronormative as well. I dunno, it just seems to alienate certain groups of people.
Maybe I'm the one who feels alienated. Don't ask me why. It just never feels like my thing. I never feel all that compelled to partake in the events, the magazine always feels drab and boring - maybe that's it. Maybe it's boring. No, boring wouldn't make me uncomfortable. So what the hell is it?
Maybe it's because while I'm open about my sexuality in some settings - with friends, in certain club meetings, and at certain feminist events on campus - I'm a little shy about my really rather complicated sexuality when it comes to the general public.
I have no problem going to passion parties, I had no problem attending Oh Megan's event. It could be a "vibe" thing. Those events felt like Bitch magazine while Sex Week feels like the love child of Hustler and Cosmo. The Feminist Student Organization/Students for Choice events felt like Good Vibrations while Sex Week feels distinctly more like Condom World. Honestly, I don't feel comfortable engaging with the programming to fully grasp what it's all about, but I think the fact that there's something about Sex Week that turns me off the second the schedule is released ought to count for something.
The worst part is I feel like a terrible person for feeling this way. I feel as though I ought to embrace it, and that feeling uncomfortable is judgmental and bitchy and I should give the programming my full support. Because a good feminist would, right? Otherwise I may just be some ignorant, pearl-clutching prude.
Or it's possible that I'm entitled to my feelings and I don't have to justify every emotion to myself, let alone the world.
So those are possible reasons why the whole thing makes me want to hide under the covers for a week. Still not sure what the exact reasons are. Maybe it'll become more clear in the coming week or so.