Monday, October 3, 2011

I'm a Feminist, and I Like Monogamy

That's right, I like to be monogamous. With men, no less! I've seen lots of feminists rail against it, and I don't get it. I see nothing anti-feminist about only being with one man. I don't like the idea of dating multiple people, really. While it works for some people, it doesn't feel right to me.

I can understand not wanting monogamy to be the only acceptable choice for men or women. I can understand not wanting marriage to be compulsory, and I certainly wish people would stop nagging unmarried women to hurry up and get a ring on their finger. But while I don't think women who choose to have casual sex, or opt for polyamory and open relationships should be judged as sluts, I want monogamy to remain an acceptable choice as well. I get irritated when people put down women who want monogamy as either old fashioned, prudish, or worse, just plain selfish.

And there's nothing wrong with choosing to be old fashioned. It may not be the most empowered or feminist choice out there, but it's not inherently a bad one either as long as it's an informed one. Being monogamous doesn't have to mean being submissive or letting someone own you, and the decision to be traditional and monogamous isn't always one made out of obligation (doing something because you believe it's how all women should act).

Feminists judging a woman for wanting a monogamous relationship is just as bad as people judging a woman for choosing polyamory.


  1. Hi, I came from Feministing. (I'm the one who supported your choice of Halloween costume, and then someone else totally missed the point of what I was saying.) I am also in a monogamous relationship (married to a man even!) I'm not against polyamory if people feel it works for them,but for the two of us, a monogamous relationship is what we both want, and so that is what we have, and we're happy.

  2. Argh, the other part of that comment got eaten! I just wanted to say that you don't need to worry whether wanting monogamy is the "most empowered or feminist choice out there". Actually, if it is something you autonomously choose, because it's what personally fulfills you and your partner, then it is the most empowered and feminist choice for you!

  3. Open relationships never work. Some one always gets jealous. Plus most people don't like the idea of shareing there significant other, and will admit to being selfish it someone calls them out on it.